Monday night started a whirlwind of events of complications in this pregnancy that made me begin to worry and get pretty stressed about! I knew in my head and heart that God was in control, but often when push comes to shove it's a bit harder to just rest and trust when emotions are going A-wall!
I have really struggled the last many weeks with feeling like a total failure as a wife, mommy, and friend! This being sick is getting old really quick. Again, I am not complaining, or desiring sympathy, just sharing my heart. Cooking and baking has become a strenuous chore for me---which, if you know me well enough---that is my passion! Home-cooking is fun for me and such a treat to have a hot meal awaiting my hubby from a long day at work. Just keeping it real for my friends---we had pizza 5 times the week before! Absolutely disgusting and unhealthy, I know, but I could not function a wink. So, slitting open a cardboard box and turning the dial on the oven became a pretty easy habit! This was just one of many things that I have had to give in and often become frustrated about. My kids, on the other hand, kept asking for pizza and seemed to enjoy the monotony! That gesture of thankfulness was a blessing to me in more ways than one!
I know that in these kind of times, God is still good to me! I know that and believe it each day as He shows me sweet truths from His Word! I am reminded too that I must get my focus off me and rely solely on the Lord for strength and direction---even if it is just throwing a pizza in the oven! Well, I really began to run to the Lord with this burden. Last week, I was actually able to make meals 3 nights without getting horribly sick! I praise the Lord for that! As the week went on, God kept showing me that if I do my best in all areas (even if it was lying on the couch with a bucket), that He was going to honor that! Over and over again He lifted little burdens and made me smile amidst the "yucky" moments too!
Friday came and we were able to do grocery shopping which was a huge blessing alone! He gave us the best deals yet, and I didn't even get to do my normal couponing routine---granted I had made my lists and clipped all the coupons, but had no energy to put it into play! My fridge, freezer, and pantry are packed fuller than ever before, and I stayed under budget! It didn't end there! This is not a bragging opportunity of me or what I did---but it is bragging on my Big, Awesome God who cares for lil' ole me! We had a sweet friend call us immediately after I put all the groceries away asking to take our family out shopping, for dinner, and just some fellowship. You know the best part about it? I was just about to throw in another cardboard pizza because I was wiped out!
I think it's the fullest it has ever been!
Honestly, I would have been encouraged and had enjoyed McDonalds, but nope---it ended with steak, lobster, appetizers, and raspberry cheesecake! Heavenly it all was! Then we hit the malls and ended with a hot Starbucks treat to top the evening! Little did this friend know just how much of a blessing they had been to me in a real time of need for encouragement and godly fellowship! And, I didn't have to cook, clean, or get sick!
My yummy grilled lobster and steak!
So, even amidst the "harder" times physically, spiritually, and emotionally, my God proved to me that I simply needed to rest in His arms and watch Him bless abundantly! Often I've heard stories like these from others and wondered if it would ever happen to me! Ahh, the Lord has so often allowed these kind of stories to ring clear in my ears if I would simply look to Him and react the way He desires even in the tough times.
So, as I am within another week, I am begging the Lord to help me not focus on me and the pains I may have, and focus on what He wants to teach me and how He wants me to respond and be a blessing to those around me! Because, just maybe, He can use me to encourage someone who was struggling just like me last week!