Friday, June 6, 2014

Doubts & Questions?

I believe each individual encounters doubts and questions all too often in life. Sometimes it is with the simplest of decisions and sometimes it faces us in the largest of ways. I thought it would be fun today to tell you the story of how the Lord seriously picked us up and threw us to Moncks Corner, SC. I still cannot wrap my head around it, and cannot believe how much has happened in the last 2 1/2 months, but I am thrilled to give praise to Whom it is due.

Let’s begin…

In December and January Brian and I prayed much over what direction to go in the new year. We truly believed the Lord had something for us and we began searching a few options out specifically. Through much prayer and counsel we saw the Lord opening the door to move back to Wisconsin. It was a little shocking, but it appeared to really be the door the Lord was wanting us to chose. We began looking for housing, contacting pastors of nearby churches, and getting a resume for the job that had already offered him a position. It kind of seemed too good to be true, BUT there was something missing… something missing in my heart…Peace! As much as I wanted to be thrilled to move closer to my sweet family, I just wasn’t convinced that we leave NC for yet another secular job. I knew that the Lord gives the desires of our hearts and I was firmly convinced that the Lord wanted us in full-time ministry. However, I struggled with the fact that this really was the direction the Lord was opening and I needed to be submissive and willing to step back through this door if this truly was His will.

Not many know, but we actually already had a home that we loved and my parents had walked through it several times for us to make sure it was something we would want to live in. It was all getting pretty exciting. The thought of kids birthday parties with 2 sets of grandparents and lots of aunts and uncles and cousins being able to come was excitement alone! But, still in the bottom of my heart I couldn’t get too excited, because I didn’t have complete peace. I have had this before, but nothing this strong and nothing this intense. But, I kept quiet and simply prayed! I prayed that Jesus would open another door and make it clear which one to chose. I prayed that He would graciously give us the desire of our hearts---full-time ministry.

While on our way to the Wilds Youth Workers conference the first week of March, Brian and I talked about our desires. We both begged God to show us specifically what we needed to do. The only hurdle we were waiting for on the Wisconsin move was the business owner to get back with Brian with his pay for the job he had for him. Brian mentioned that he was going to call him the first of the week, but we opted to wait until after camp. On the way up the mountain I said, “I’m just praying God shows us this week!!” My sweet husband replied, “And, what if He doesn’t, honey?” I knew He would, I just knew it!!! I wanted to believe that God would just open and close doors in HIS timing. It may sound silly, but we were getting down to crunch time and needed to know fast—I knew God knew that too! Monday night our Pastor mentioned to Brian that a pastor had called him about Brian. It was pretty vague and we just figured it would take awhile before anything came of it if anything came of it at all. Tuesday and Wednesday were TOUGH---you know, Satan attacking and Holy Spirit convicting-tough! Brian and I had many tears and MANY conversations through those 2 days. Wednesday morning we both sat through a session that we NEEDED. The man speaking had a similar testimony as Brian. I could tell that this session alone was helping my sweet husband realize that the Lord truly was redirecting us again. Thursday morning we met with my childhood favorite preacher and mentor—Morris Gleiser along with Ken Collier and Andy Gleiser. What an absolute blessing and encouragement they were to us. Thursday held lots of pondering and praying and then God very clearly used Morris Gleisers message Thursday night to solidify in our hearts that Wisconsin was no longer a door and that God would open another in His time.

It’s hard in any situation to then just start asking questions like… “God, whey  did you open this door in the first place? Why did you help us find the perfect house? God, why?” Then He graciously and kindly showed me that maybe He just wanted us to be willing. Maybe He just wanted us to surrender EVERY part even if it was something we didn’t particularly want to do. I look forward to asking in Heaven, but for then and now I had to trust that His way is always best. After that message we went back to our room and prayed and talked together. We were confused, but excited to see what door God would have us to walk through. Moments after my husband picked up his phone only to find a voice mail from Pastor Frank Bailey asking him to call him regarding an assistant pastorate position. Wow!!! God worked fast!!! I left while he called Pastor Bailey back.

A very long story short…we prayed over the weekend and decided to go down the very next weekend to candidate. Satan did everything he could to deter us---van broke twice, kids got the horrible flu, and finances were strapped. But, through a mighty big God we drove to Moncks Corner and immediately watched God shape our hearts to fall in love with this ministry!!

And, 2 months later we drove away from our home of 8 years in a Penske truck & the rest is history!!!

As my sweet husband directed music at church Sunday, I couldn’t help but shed tears of thankfulness that God’s forgiveness is overwhelming, His grace is sufficient, His timing is perfect, and that His plans are far better than anything I ever wanted or expected. We do not deserve this nor feel like we are entitled to this opportunity to serve Him. But, we are humbled that God can use us no matter our horrible failures. God is good all the time!!!

Thank you to those who have coveted us in prayers over the years!