Tuesday, January 26, 2016

When God "isn't enough"

Please don’t jump to conclusions regarding the title before reading the entire post. My blogging sabbatical has definitely not been something I had intended or wanted. However, I am daily reminded that the Lord often teaches me to give some things up when it is not as important. Plus, something is seriously wrong with windows live writer and blogger, so we are working on changing something soon!
For most of my readers, this is not new news, but several weeks ago we announced this…

Are we excited? We are thrilled to pieces and cannot wait to welcome another miracle into our home.

So, what does this have to do with my title “When God ‘isn’t enough’?”
God has allowed me to encounter several complications during this pregnancy that have forced me entirely onto my knees with eyes gazed Heavenward for strength and direction. I do not desire to gain sympathy or pity, but to share some of the graces that Christ alone has taught me in a wonderful, yet difficult journey He has orchestrated.  I simply desire to encourage someone else who is walking a path that doesn’t seem to make sense or has you weighted down with frustrations, discontent, sadness, physical pain and more. Satan has a way about him to kick believers when they are down and attack hard.

Since the end of October it became a daily struggle---my attitude, that is. I’d wake up with extreme nausea and vomiting to the point that for 4 weeks I kept nothing down. Trips to the ER, in-home nurse care, IVs and multiple drugs didn’t seem to help a bit. And, when I thought it couldn’t get any worse I began passing out, or just dropping with absolutely no warning, no energy, and no way to function. Driving was out of the question for several weeks and I struggled with everything! I was labeled anemic and had to force myself to try to eat and drink despite constant puking. On top of all the physical issues our insurance was changing so no doctor would see me. For weeks I bounced back and forth with only getting nurse suggestions or Er help. Yet, something I struggled with more was my thought process and attitude toward the One who gifted me another little life inside. I struggled to see His purpose in this. I struggled with having little to no joy and blaming it on my sickness. I struggled when “non-tactful” people would give their thoughts or “advice” regarding my situation (that they really knew nothing about). I struggled with EVERYTHING! Until, I let God step in…and He pointed me to the truths I needed to cling to on a daily basis.

I began diving into His Word seeking for His advice and direction on how to walk through yet another day filled with all that He had chosen for me. He began to show me more about my wicked self and reminded me often that He is Enough for me! Satan had instilled a lie in my mind that “God isn’t enough” and that I had to push through each day in despair and frustration. But, the Lord began to show me that my gratitude was suffering and I needed to focus on my Savior instead of being bogged down in my own physical misery.
I began studying the book of Corinthians and the book “Choosing Gratitude.” My mind and thought process began to be transformed as I meditated, memorized, and studied my daily truths found in His Abundant Word. He began challenging me to pray for and find out more about other woman who were struggling with physical needs that far outweighed what I was enduring. I soon began finding myself, when I was tempted to complain or “wallow” in my self pity, praying for others who were in similar or far worse physical conditions. The Lord continued to help me see victory in my thought process and how I approached each day.

While 16 weeks have passed, I wish I could say I am all better and my pregnancy is smooth sailing. I am no longer anemic which is a huge blessing, and I can safely drive again with no concerns. It continues to be difficult with puking and other stomach issues, but not as difficult as before when I was so messed up in my perspective and my attitude. I choose now to give thanks. It may seem silly to some, but I’ve learned to make lists in my head when it is tough. As I’m puking for the 15th time in a day I thank Jesus for clean toilets, helpful kids, a comfortable home, and not gaining a bazillion pounds yet this pregnancy. Some people get annoyed that I can be thankful even in the gross or tough trials, but maybe it’s because they are within their own turmoil or physical trial and they have yet to let God teach them thankfulness even in their path He’s chosen for them.

I’m not complaining that I’m pregnant, that I’m sick, that the daily simple tasks of life are sometimes impossible. But, I will say that God has used each of those frustrations and life’s unpredictable moments as tools to draw me closer to Himself. Yes, I’d love to have one of those pregnancies that are enjoyable and easy, but if I had to chose between that and the lessons I’ve learned through the hard, I’d chose this hard road all over again. I find I look up more and trust God more when He reminds me that He IS ENOUGH!

Friend, maybe God has chosen for you to walk a path that is currently causing a struggle. Perhaps you are struggling with infertility, recovering from a miscarriage, have lost a loved one, struggling with a daily physical condition, are unemployed, struggling with ministry battles, etc. May I encourage you that even when we are walking on a difficult road we can have joy! My trial is just as important to God as the trial He has you within. But, having fallen on my face several times with a broken heart from my lack of trust and bad attitude, I found that there are others God intends me to reach with love and compassion even when I am hurting. From a human perspective it seems harder and mustering up that smile or genuine thankfulness to God takes a bit more effort. However, when our hearts are overwhelmingly in love with our Lord, we begin to see life through a different light and we begin to see the error of Satan’s lie that God is not enough!

So, run through the daily tasks He has designed for you today. Remember, God alone is Enough, and He will give you the strength and joy if you simply chose to rely upon Him!